Guilt

The days are long.  The naps and nighttime are short.  I have so much guilt about how I should be enjoying every minute with Abby and Jimmy since all I hear is that it all goes by so fast.  And that's true, it has been going by fast, but as fast as the time has gone, the days sometimes just seem to drag on. 

I quit my career to be a stay at home mom, to raise my kids and watch them grow and learn new things. I really thought I would enjoy being home, but some days it just seems so monotonous and boring; I feel isolated and lonely.   I feel guilty that some days (read: most days) I watch the clock as the minutes and hours pass so slowly until naptime/bedtime.  I mean, who is excited as bedtime draws near?  I should be enjoying every minute, right? 

So I have been experiencing a lot of guilt about looking forward to bedtime as much as I do.  Then I read this... and I realized that this is normal.  The days are long and hard.  The nights are a little, short break for me.  The days are filled with playing and fighting, laughing and whining, smiling and tears.  Also mixed in there in short bouts are those heartwarming moments that make me/us stop and think, yeah, this is so worth it.  I love this girl/I love this boy. They are so smart/pretty/talented/funny.  But then BAM! the moment has passed as quickly as it appeared, as one babe has hit the other in the head with the toy and the crying begins.  But those moments are the ones I need to focus on and remember as the days go in and out and the years pass by.  Those little moments that really, truly fill my heart with so much love and joy.

And this is one of those fleeting moments I love to be able to witness at random times throughout the day!