Daycare - the first day (and some others)

Well, it has happened.  The time has flown by and I am now back to work.  Where did the past four and a half months go?? It went by way too fast, that's for sure.

The first day back to work went well.  And surprisingly the first drop off day to the day care went ok too. Jim was able to go with me to drop off Abby and Jimmy, so it was great to have his support and distraction during the morning and then during the big moment. 

I was very impressed with how I handled the drop off. If you read my earlier post found here, you will see that I was already emotional about leaving the babies.  So I was very surprised that I made it through the drop off without any dripping tears.  Yes, I did have watery eyes and "almost" teardrops falling, but I scooted myself out of there quickly so the tears wouldn't fall.  Once I got out of the center and on the road with Jim, I felt ok. Not great, but ok.

My first day back to work was great. It was so nice to see all of my coworkers/friends and it felt really good to have some interaction with everyone (read: adults) I used to spend every day with back in the early part of 2010.  I missed the babies terribly, but felt like my old self again. I was even able to go out to lunch. OMG - Jim and I haven't had a meal out at a restaurant in a long time.  It was nice.

Picking the babies up went ok.  They were both TIRED and overstimulated from all the activity during the day, so they mostly fussed/cried the whole way home.  It was pretty upsetting and I felt sad that they were so unhappy. 

Well, so far, Abby and Jimmy have been to daycare approximately 8 times. They aren't usually there the full day since Jim will drop them off before he gets ready to go to work (usually around 12 or 1pm), so they only spend 5-6 hours there.  But OMG, they are a mess when I pick them up.  Twice, when I arrived, I noticed Jimmy crying/screaming while sitting in the swing.  I don't like to see that since then it leads me to think that they are left to scream often. :-( 

But what is really upsetting to me, is that the last couple times I have picked them up, they both start crying when they see me.  It's almost as if they are crying to show me that they think I abandoned them and they are mad at me. Ok, I know this is just a silly thought, and most likely it is from the lack of good naps and the over stimulation.  But I still feel this way.  Especially the one time when Abby was fine when the daycare worker was holding her, and then BAM, as soon as she hands her over to me, Abby looks at me and SCREAMS. 

Poor babies.  Poor Mommy.  This daycare stuff is hard!