Two miscarriages since August 2009 - not at all how I thought things would go.
Jim and I decided to start TTC in June 2009, just a year after we were married. We initially thought we would wait to TTC until Jim completed residency in June 2010, but we got the baby bug earlier then expected and realized we were ready for the next chapter in our lives. We were excited; we were anxious; we were nervous; but we were ready.
So as part of the "getting ready" to "start trying," I set up an appointment with my new OBGYN to discuss what to do to prepare my body to host a visitor for 9 months. My Doctor (who is wonderful) put me on a new blood pressure medication that is safe for me and baby during pregnancy and gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins.
Next month, we took a big leap into the next chapter of our lives and stated trying to conceive. I wasn't expecting to get pregnant the first month of trying, but SURPRISE, we did! See below:
My period was about a week late, but I thought nothing of it because in my mind, it would take months to get pregnant. I guess not. My estimated date of delivery was April 3, 2010! Yay, a spring baby!
But just 8 weeks into the pregnancy, while on vacation visiting my parents, I woke up to strong cramping and bleeding. I had been having spotting for about one week before, but was assured that some spotting during pregnancy is normal. For me, it was not. I went to the ER for the Rhogam shot (I am negative, Jim is positive) and the heartbreaking diagnosis of spontaneous abortion (miscarriage). We were devastated, depressed, and sad, yet we were overwhelmed with support from friends and family (since we told many of our loved ones). The doctor suspected a blighted ovum, but no one really knows what happened for sure, just that I lost our baby.
Three months later, Jim and I decided to try again. I felt ready emotionally and DH agreed that it was time we try again. So we did. And again, a positive pregnancy test the first month we tried. See below again!
My estimated date of delivery was August 10, 2010! Wow - what a month full of birthdays it would be... but then, we lost this baby too. Just 3 days after receiving a positive result on a home pregnancy test, I started bleedng. The HCG levels were 26: 33; and then 2. Anything above 25 is considered pregnant; but less then 5 is considered not pregnant. So I was pregnant; then I wasn't.
Again, we were devastated. Me more than Jim. Jim is very level-headed and rational; he is calm and logical. I am anxious and dramatic; OCD and type A. So Jim has had to help calm me down and remind me of the statistic relating to miscarriage - that a ton pregnancies end in early miscarriage, before the woman even knows she is pregnant.
So, how am I feeling?? I am mad, sad, hurt, and afraid. I am feeling everything and nothing all at once.
So tomorrow is my first doctor's appointment since the second loss. My doctor spoke with my briefly over the phone and discussed the testing options available at this point. Jim and I had a long discussion and decided that we are going to try again this month and that if I have another miscarriage, then we will pursue testing at that time. I am so unbelievably scared that I will lose this next baby too, and that I could have prevented it by doing testing now, but I am also afraid that this baby will now be the one we will meet and if I wait a couple months for testing, then I will have missed the opportunity to meet this one. Oh, gosh, now I am just rambling. Basically, what it comes down to is I need to have faith that God will give us a baby when He feels it is right. He has a plan and I have to have faith that He will take care of us. But it is so hard sometimes.
Anyway - that is it. The back story. So this blog will follow my TTC journey and any future pregnancies that come our way. Please wish us luck and send good thoughts/prayers our way - we need them!
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